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Kayak Jokes and Humor
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A Really Bad Kayak Joke...
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were getting cold so they decided to light a fire in their boat. It promptly sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
(See, I told you it was bad...)
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Three old men are sittin' in their kayaks fishing a cove on a quiet Sunday morning when a funeral procession drives by. One of the old men takes off his hat & puts it over his heart. The procession winds its way around the cove and disappears over a hill. The old man puts his hat back on and continues fishing. One of the other old timers says "Geeze Ed, that was a thoughtful thing to do." Ed replies "It was the least I could do after 49 years of marriage."
An outdoorsy couple lived near Anchorage. One morning, the wife said she was going kayaking in the bay. The husband told her to be careful. When she didn't return that night, he called the authorities, who searched the bay. They next day, two state troopers appeared at his door. "We have some bad news for you, some good news, and some great news." "What's the bad news?" asked the husband, steeling himself. "Your wife drowned in the bay." "What's the good news?" he asked. "When we pulled her up, there were a dozen king crabs and 8 Dungeness crabs clinging to her." "What's the great news?" "We're pulling her up again tomorrow!"
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How to tell if your boat is too small
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Seattle Singles Ad
Reasonably evolved and socialized 44 y/o DWM w/ predilection to laugh and think, seeks 37-47 y/o kind woman w/ gentle soul and a highly developed sense of the absurd to share a lifetime of giggles and home repair. Please no Republicans, credit card junkies or sea kayakers*. Usual no’s, $ecure, race unimportant.
(*Yikes! Must have gotten “ burned” in the past by one of Seattle’s many active kayaking ladies!)
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The Banana Boat
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A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by a fierce Indian tribe. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a kayak. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over. There's blood everywhere, it's horrible.
The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???" The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your stinking kayak!"
The bartender Lars asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a kayak?" "No, I don't," said Ole. "A kayak will sometimes tip," explained Lars.
While paddling off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his kayak. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted "Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw" the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
Even today, the Eskimo displays very little gustatory qualm. Near Fort Chimo, Quebec, I was offered a snack of, I thought, crowberries. One taste told me the truth. They weren't crowberries, but caribou droppings cooked in seal fat. I declined any more. The man who offered them to me shrugged and continued to pop them into his mouth like salted peanuts.
- from the introduction to "A Kayak Full of Ghosts Eskimo Tales", gathered and retold by Lawrence Milman
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To learn more about San Juan Island kayaking trips and
to reserve your space on an Outdoor Odysseys Sea Kayak Trip,
call us at 800-647-4621 or reserve online.
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